Chapter 10 - Daniel Went Back To Willow House Alone
Daniel returned to Willow House without telling me.
I learned because Helen called.
I let it ring.
Whatever was happening belonged to them.
Daniel sat in the same living room.
Miles was not there.
He had asked for that.
Helen agreed.
Daniel looked at the staircase.
“Was Dad hurting you?”
Helen did not answer with the word he wanted.
“We had become bad together.”
“What does that mean?”
“He hated when I walked away during arguments.”
“So he stopped you.”
“Sometimes.”
“Physically.”
“That night.”
Daniel rubbed his jaw.
“Was that the first time?”
Helen hesitated.
“First time like that.”
He nodded.
He wanted to preserve something.
She saw.
“I loved your father.”
Daniel looked at her.
“I know.”
“He could also be frightening when he felt abandoned.”
Daniel hated the sentence.
Helen continued.
“I could be vicious when I felt controlled.”
“That doesn’t make grabbing you okay.”
“No.”
Good.
No balancing trick.
Daniel looked toward the kitchen.
“Why did Miles come home that night?”
“He wasn't supposed to.”
“What?”
“He had his own apartment.”
“I know.”
“He came because I called him.”
Daniel stopped.
“You called Miles.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I wanted someone there when I told your father I was leaving for a few days.”
Daniel stared.
“So Dad was right.”
“About?”
“You chose Miles.”
Helen closed her eyes.
“Daniel.”
“You called him. Not me.”
“You were nineteen.”
“I lived ten minutes away.”
“You adored your father.”
“So you didn’t trust me.”
She thought.
“No.”
The answer was brutal because it was honest.
Daniel looked away.
“Why?”
“Because every time we fought, you defended him before you knew what happened.”
He almost laughed.
“Family loyalty.”
“Yes.”
“Sounds terrible when you say it.”
“I’m not proud of how I handled you either.”
He stared.
“What did I do after you fell?”
“You rode to the hospital with your father.”
“I thought Miles pushed you.”
“I know.”
“When did you tell me he didn't?”
“I tried the next day.”
“You said ‘Miles pushed.’”
“That was before.”
“So?”
Helen leaned forward.
“When I was clearer, I told you Thomas had grabbed me.”
Daniel shook his head.
“I don't remember.”
“Your father walked out of the room.”
Daniel froze.
“And you followed him.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
He stood.
“I would remember that.”
“Maybe.”
He hated maybe again.
Helen continued.
“You were angry. You said, ‘Stop changing it because Miles is scared.’”
Daniel’s face changed.
A fragment.
His father outside the room.
Helen crying.
Daniel standing near the bed.
Miles nowhere in sight.
Maybe.
Memory does not return like video.
It returns like weather.
“You said I was protecting him,” Helen said.
Daniel sat again.
“What did you do?”
“I told you to leave.”
That surprised him.
“You kicked me out.”
“I told you I couldn't argue while my head felt like it was splitting.”
“So Dad took me home.”
“Yes.”
“And I thought you chose Miles.”
“I know.”
Daniel stared at her.
“So everyone remembers the part that makes the next decision reasonable.”
Helen almost answered.
Stopped.
Instead:
“I was wrong to let nineteen years pass.”
He looked at her.
“You could've found me.”
“Yes.”
“You could have come alone.”
“Yes.”
“You could have swallowed your pride.”
“Yes.”
He looked surprised by the lack of defense.
Then Helen said:
“And you deleted Miles’s voicemail after your father died.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened.
“Yes.”
“You returned my last letter unopened.”
He stared.
“What letter?”
“Eight years ago.”
“I didn't.”
“Daniel.”
“I never saw—”
Then he stopped.
A blue envelope.
His old office.
His assistant holding mail.
Daniel seeing Helen Carter in the return address.
Handing it back.
“Return to sender.”
He remembered.
He had forgotten because at the time it felt routine.
He looked down.
Helen did not say anything.
No triumph.
That helped.
After several minutes Daniel asked:
“If Miles hadn't been there that night, would you have left Dad?”
“I don't know.”
That was not the answer he expected.
“You called him to help you leave.”
“Yes.”
“So?”
“I might have lost my nerve.”
Daniel frowned.
Helen looked at the staircase.
“I was not secretly brave for twenty years, Daniel.”
That sentence stayed.
She had not been trapped by one monster.
She had made choices too.
Weak ones.
Fearful ones.
Some reasonable.
Some damaging.
Daniel stood to leave.
Helen asked:
“Will you come back?”
He reached the door.
“I don’t know.”
She nodded.
Then he opened it.
Miles was sitting in his car across the street.
Daniel saw him.
May you like
For once, Miles did not get out.
Daniel crossed the road himself.
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