Chapter 8 - Ava Did Not Ask Vanessa To Leave
Daniel told Vanessa to pack a bag.
Not forever.
That distinction came immediately.
Ava noticed.
“Stay with Melissa for a few nights,” Daniel said.
Vanessa stood in their bedroom doorway.
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Or what you think Ava wants?”
He stopped.
Vanessa gave a tired laugh.
“Look at us learning.”
Ava stood in the hallway.
Neither had noticed her.
“I don't want her gone.”
They both turned.
Vanessa looked stunned.
Daniel frowned.
“Ava—”
“I didn't say I forgive her.”
Vanessa's expression closed again.
“I didn't think you did.”
Ava crossed her arms.
“I don't want another person disappearing and then everyone telling me what it meant.”
Daniel looked at her.
“You don't have to take care of us.”
“I'm not.”
She looked at Vanessa.
“I want you out of Dad's room for a while.”
Daniel almost objected.
Then didn't.
Vanessa stared at Ava.
“You want me in the house?”
“I want you where I can ask you something if I decide to.”
That was not warmth.
It was access.
Vanessa nodded.
“Guest room.”
Daniel looked at her.
She looked back.
Neither called it punishment or separation.
That night Ava took three boxes into her room.
Daniel helped.
Vanessa stayed downstairs.
Rachel went to a hotel.
Nobody knew what to do with dinner.
They ordered pizza.
It arrived under the name CARTER.
The four of them stared at the receipt like it had made a joke.
Ava took two slices upstairs.
An hour later, Daniel knocked.
“Can I come in?”
“Yes.”
Photographs covered her bed.
Julia at twenty-six.
Julia pregnant.
Julia holding Ava badly while trying to buckle an infant car seat.
Daniel picked up one.
“She hated that thing.”
Ava smiled before she meant to.
“Why?”
“Instructions made her angry.”
“She seems difficult.”
“She was.”
Ava looked at him.
Daniel smiled slightly.
“So am I.”
“Obviously.”
He deserved that.
Then her face tightened.
“Why did you let Vanessa put all this away?”
Daniel sat on the floor.
“Because the first year after your mom died, I couldn't look at any of it.”
“And later?”
“I got used to not looking.”
Ava stared.
Daniel continued.
“When Vanessa started moving things, I didn't stop her.”
“Because you didn't care?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
He looked around her room.
“Because every photograph asked something from me.”
“What?”
“To remember who I was before.”
Ava waited.
Daniel did not turn it into a speech.
He picked up another picture.
Julia asleep with her mouth open.
He laughed quietly.
“She would've killed me for keeping this.”
Ava took it.
“I'm keeping it.”
“Of course you are.”
She looked at him.
“Did you love Vanessa because she wasn't Mom?”
The question caught him.
“No.”
“Did you love her because she took care of everything?”
He took longer.
“At first?”
“Yes.”
Ava nodded.
That sounded more dangerous.
Daniel said:
“Then I loved her because she was Vanessa.”
“Do you still?”
“Yes.”
Fast.
No ambiguity.
Ava looked toward the hallway.
“Even after this?”
“Yes.”
She frowned.
Daniel shrugged.
“I can love somebody and still be furious with what they did.”
Ava looked at the photograph in her hand.
She had spent years imagining Julia as incapable of hurting anyone.
That suddenly seemed less like love and more like distance.
Daniel stood to leave.
At the door Ava said:
“Dad.”
He turned.
“What did Mom say that night that made you threaten her?”
His face changed.
She expected him to avoid it.
Instead he said:
“She told me I was becoming my father.”
Ava waited.
May you like
Daniel continued.
“And I knew she was right.”
