Chapter 14 - Vanessa Had Left One Door Open
Ava did not know whether to be angry.
That irritated her.
Vanessa had secretly listed Rachel as an emergency contact.
Without telling Daniel.
Without telling Ava.
Without telling Rachel.
It was exactly the kind of decision everyone had spent days condemning.
And yet.
Ava asked:
“When?”
“Three years ago.”
“Why?”
Vanessa looked toward Daniel.
“Ava was thirteen.”
“That doesn't answer it.”
“She and I were fighting constantly.”
Daniel frowned.
“You never told me it was that bad.”
“You were traveling four days a week.”
Ava remembered.
That year had been awful.
She had called Vanessa a replacement mother.
Vanessa had taken her phone.
Ava had threatened to run away.
Neither had ever told Daniel the worst of it.
Vanessa continued.
“One night Ava said if something happened to Dad, she'd have nobody.”
Rachel looked stunned.
“So you added me.”
“Yes.”
“Why not call me?”
“Because I thought you'd refuse.”
Rachel almost laughed.
“Still doing it.”
Vanessa nodded.
“Yes.”
Ava folded her arms.
“Did you ever plan to tell me?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I wanted the option available without making you feel like I expected something to happen.”
Ava looked at her.
It was controlling.
It was also care.
The problem was that Vanessa had spent years mixing the two until nobody could tell where one ended.
Daniel said:
“You should've told me.”
“Yes.”
Rachel said:
“You should've told me.”
“Yes.”
Ava said:
“You should've told me.”
“Yes.”
Vanessa looked exhausted.
Ava asked:
“Do you regret adding her?”
Vanessa thought.
“No.”
“Do you regret hiding it?”
“Yes.”
That distinction helped.
Ava sat on the arm of the sofa.
Rachel said:
“I'll stay on the list if Ava wants.”
Everyone looked at Ava.
She felt the room waiting.
She hated that too.
“I don't know.”
Rachel smiled.
“Fine.”
Nobody rushed her.
Later, Daniel and Vanessa sat alone in the living room.
Ava passed the doorway and heard Daniel say:
“I don't know whether I can stay married to someone I have to fact-check inside my own house.”
She stopped.
Vanessa answered:
“I don't know whether I can stay married to someone who only notices I took control when he stops liking the result.”
Daniel said nothing.
Ava should have kept walking.
She didn't.
Vanessa continued.
“You handed me grief. School forms. Christmas. Julia's clothes. Your father's calls. Ava's doctors. Every piece you couldn't bear to touch.”
“I know.”
“And then I started deciding.”
“I know.”
“I liked being necessary.”
Daniel's voice softened.
“I know.”
Vanessa laughed once.
“No. I don't think you did.”
Silence.
Then Daniel said:
“I loved that you could make the house work.”
Vanessa answered:
“And I confused that with being loved.”
Ava moved away before they could become too articulate.
Some conversations were not hers.
The next afternoon, Vanessa packed one suitcase.
Ava found her by the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
“Melissa's.”
“For how long?”
“A week.”
“Dad ask you to?”
“No.”
Ava studied her.
“Then why?”
“Because if I stay in this house while you two are deciding how angry you're allowed to be, I'll start managing it.”
Ava almost smiled.
“Probably.”
Vanessa picked up the bag.
At the door she stopped.
“I won't contact you unless you contact me.”
Ava frowned.
“That sounds dramatic.”
“It probably is.”
Vanessa opened the door.
“Vanessa.”
She turned.
Ava had not planned to say anything.
“Rachel can stay on the school form.”
Vanessa nodded.
“Okay.”
“And don't tell her I said yes because you think she needs reassurance.”
Vanessa's mouth almost curved.
“I won't.”
She left.
Ava watched the car disappear down the driveway.
Nobody had thrown Vanessa out.
May you like
Nobody had forgiven her either.
For once, leaving the house did not automatically mean leaving the family.
