Chapter 12 - Noah Didn’t Want A New Family, He Wanted His Own Decisions Back
Noah arrived while Mara was still there.
He saw us.
Stopped.
Then walked over.
“Did either of you invite me?”
“No,” Mara said.
“No,” I said.
He looked relieved.
He pulled up a chair.
For a while we talked about practical things.
My train.
His shift.
Mara’s drive home.
Then Noah said:
“I’m still moving.”
Mara nodded.
“I know.”
He looked suspicious.
“That’s it?”
“What do you want?”
He caught himself.
Nothing.
Maybe he had expected resistance because resistance made leaving feel necessary.
Mara continued:
“I hate it.”
Noah looked up.
“I’m allowed to hate it.”
“Yes.”
“I’m also not sending Jake to Seattle.”
Noah almost laughed.
So did I.
The tension broke enough for the truth to remain.
Then Noah looked at me.
“I don't want to call you Grandpa.”
“Good.”
Mara glanced at me.
I continued.
“You don't know me.”
Noah nodded.
“I might later.”
“Maybe.”
He looked irritated by maybe.
Family.
Then:
“I don't want this to become another thing Mom and I fight through.”
“Then don't use me.”
He flinched.
Direct enough.
Mara looked at him.
Noah stared at the coffee cup.
“I did.”
“Yes.”
“I invited you because I wanted answers.”
“Yes.”
“And because if you were decent, I could use that against her.”
Mara's face tightened.
Noah looked at her.
“I’m sorry.”
She did not immediately say it's okay.
Good.
He continued.
“I wanted you to be wrong about him.”
Mara nodded.
“I know.”
“And?”
She thought.
“You were allowed to want that.”
Noah looked surprised.
She added:
“You were not allowed to arrange my father as evidence.”
I almost smiled.
She had learned quickly when the sentence belonged to her.
Noah nodded.
Then:
“Are you ever going to talk to him again after today?”
Mara looked at me.
I looked away.
Not because I didn't want to know.
Because I didn't want my face recruiting her answer.
She noticed.
For a moment, she said nothing.
Then:
“I don't know.”
Noah hated it.
I didn't.
He turned to me.
“And you?”
“I don't know.”
He leaned back.
“That's terrible.”
“Yes.”
“Nothing is resolved.”
“Correct.”
Mara almost smiled.
Noah rubbed his forehead.
Then:
“Okay.”
Small word.
Hard work.
The departure board changed.
My train number appeared.
Eleven fifteen.
Gate 6.
I stood.
Mara’s face changed slightly.
Twenty-seven years ago I had watched her leave from this station.
Now I was the one with a train.
Noah saw it too.
He asked:
“Do you want us to walk you?”
I looked at Mara.
She did not answer for him.
I looked at Noah.
“Do you want to?”
“Yes.”
“Then sure.”
Mara picked up her coffee.
“I’ll come to the gate.”
Not "with you."
Not "if that’s okay."
Her choice.
We walked together.
Awkwardly.
May you like
Three people without a role prepared.
It was probably the most honest family formation we had ever managed.
