Chapter 7 - Brooke Had Left For A Reason She Never Told Ethan
Ethan came home with me.
Temporarily.
Rachel inspected my apartment before we left Gary's house.
One bedroom.
One office barely large enough for a desk.
Ethan got my bedroom.
I took the couch.
He objected because he thought guests slept on couches.
“You're not a guest.”
He liked that.
I did not tell him what I was afraid of.
That he might wake up and ask for Gary.
He did.
At 2:13 a.m.
He came into the living room carrying his blanket.
“Brooke?”
“Yeah?”
“Is Dad bad?”
The question made me sit up.
“I don't know how to answer that.”
“He helps me.”
“I know.”
“He makes pancakes.”
“I know.”
“He hit me.”
“Yes.”
Ethan looked down.
“Can both happen?”
I wanted to find Holloway and make him answer.
Instead:
“Yes.”
My brother sat beside me.
“Do I have to hate him?”
“No.”
He looked relieved.
I hated Gary for giving an eight-year-old that problem.
Then Ethan asked:
“Do you hate Mom?”
I thought.
“Tonight?”
He nodded.
“Yes.”
His eyes widened.
I continued.
“That doesn't mean forever.”
He settled against me.
After several minutes:
“Why did you leave?”
There it was.
Gary's weapon.
My wound.
“I was eighteen.”
“I know.”
“Gary and I fought constantly.”
“Did he hit you?”
I looked at the ceiling.
“Sometimes he grabbed me.”
Ethan waited.
“He shoved me once.”
I swallowed.
“Mostly he made me feel like every room belonged to him.”
“Why didn't Mom stop him?”
“She tried sometimes.”
“Did she try enough?”
Children can ask the cleanest question in the ugliest way.
“No.”
Ethan nodded.
“Did you leave because of me?”
My heart tightened.
“No.”
“Dad says you did.”
“I know.”
“Why didn't you take me?”
I closed my eyes.
Because you were two.
Because I had no money.
Because Mom told me Gary would call police.
Because I had been trained to believe family law was a machine that only adults with houses could operate.
Because part of me wanted to get out so badly I accepted any story that made leaving alone possible.
“I was scared.”
Ethan looked at me.
“I told myself you were safe because Mom was there.”
He stared.
“Were you wrong?”
“I don't know when things started with you.”
“I remember belt before.”
My chest tightened.
“How long?”
He shrugged.
“Not a lot.”
That phrase.
Children learn minimization from rooms.
I looked at him.
“You don't have to decide whether it counts.”
He nodded.
Then:
“Lucas said that too.”
Of course he did.
The next morning Lucas came over.
I almost told him no.
Then Ethan opened the door before I could decide.
Lucas brought donuts.
Bribery remained universal.
We sat at my tiny kitchen table.
Ethan ate chocolate icing and watched cartoons.
I studied Lucas.
“You knew Gary was hurting him.”
“No.”
“You suspected.”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“Enough to join the school mentor program.”
I stared.
“You joined because of Ethan.”
“Yes.”
“That is insane.”
“Probably.”
“You could've called me.”
“I didn't have your number.”
“You found Ethan's school.”
“Easier than finding a sister who blocked half the family online.”
I frowned.
“I didn't block you.”
“You blocked Marianne.”
“Yes.”
“I assumed that included me.”
“I didn't know you existed.”
He looked down.
That shut us both up.
I asked:
“Why didn't you tell the school who you were?”
“Because I knew they wouldn't let me mentor him if they thought it was a family dispute.”
“So you lied.”
“By omission.”
“Same disease as this family.”
He almost smiled.
“Yeah.”
“Did you manipulate Ethan?”
His face hardened.
“No.”
“Did you ask him about Gary?”
“No.”
“Did you tell him what happened to you?”
“No.”
“Then what did you do?”
“Homework.”
I waited.
“Basketball. Pizza. Let him beat me at chess.”
“Did he?”
“No. I let him.”
From the couch Ethan shouted:
“I heard that!”
Lucas smiled.
Then his face became serious.
“About two months ago he asked if getting hit with something was normal if you lied.”
I froze.
“What did you say?”
“I asked if he was talking about himself.”
“He said no.”
“What did you do?”
“I talked to the program coordinator.”
“Immediately?”
Lucas looked away.
Not immediately.
“How long?”
“Three weeks.”
I stared.
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid they'd pull me from him before I knew enough.”
Anger rose.
“You left him there to preserve access.”
“Yes.”
He didn't defend it.
That made it harder to attack him.
“I told myself staying close was protecting him.”
I leaned back.
“So everybody in this family thinks proximity is protection.”
Lucas looked at me.
“Pretty much.”
He had delayed too.
I had left.
Mom had appeased.
Gary had called control parenting.
No one got to own the pure position.
Then Lucas said:
“There’s something you don't remember.”
I stared.
“About what?”
“The night Holloway came when you were fourteen.”
“I remember enough.”
“No.”
He looked toward Ethan.
Then back at me.
“You were the reason I came back to the house that night.”
My chest tightened.
“You were there?”
“Yes.”
“I don't remember.”
“I know.”
“Why?”
May you like
Lucas's face changed.
“Because Gary caught me outside your bedroom window.”
