Chapter 9 - I Had Remembered Marcus Longer Than He Claimed
Marcus arrived at medical records with his jaw already tight.
“You saw the discharge interview.”
“Yes.”
He didn't ask how.
“Why did you tell me I didn't remember our last conversation?”
He sat.
“I thought you didn't.”
“Watch.”
I turned the screen.
Young me:
Tell Marcus I remember what he said to me before the crash.
Marcus watched without moving.
Then I paused.
“You knew about this?”
“No.”
“I don't believe you.”
“Fair.”
“Try again.”
He rubbed his face.
“I knew you had fragments.”
“That's not what you said yesterday.”
“No.”
“What did I remember?”
“You remembered being angry at me.”
“For pressuring Maya.”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“You remembered saying you would report me.”
“Did I?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“The crash happened that night.”
I watched him.
“What did you do after?”
“Wrote the incident statement.”
“The one where you claimed you supported her transfer.”
“Yes.”
“Did I ever challenge it?”
“Not formally.”
“But?”
Marcus looked away.
“You saw a copy during rehab.”
My anger sharpened.
“When?”
“Before the discharge interview.”
“So I remembered enough to know you cleaned yourself up.”
“Yes.”
“What did I say?”
He laughed once without humor.
“You called it cowardly.”
That sounded right.
“And then?”
“You said you didn't have the energy to fight me and Walter at the same time.”
Walter.
The hospital confrontation had already happened.
“Did I ask you to change the report?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“You said Maya was dead and my paragraph wasn't going to make her less dead.”
That also sounded like me on a bad day.
“And you left it.”
“Yes.”
“So when my memory faded further?”
Marcus looked at me.
“You stopped mentioning it.”
“And you let me think the conversation was gone.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He didn't answer.
I waited.
He finally said:
“Because I was ashamed of the version of myself you remembered.”
Not career this time.
Self-image.
“I was thirty-nine. New company command. Short staffing. Everything felt like a test of whether people would do what I needed.”
“Maya said no.”
“Yes.”
“You took it personally.”
“Yes.”
“And when she died?”
“I rewrote my pressure as support.”
“Yes.”
He looked at the paused image of younger me.
“I told myself it was close enough because I signed the transfer eventually.”
“After she couldn't take it.”
“Yes.”
That answer came barely audible.
I sat back.
“Why did you return to the café yesterday?”
“I saw your name on the visiting roster.”
“So?”
“I knew Walter would see you if you stopped there.”
“How?”
“You always stopped there.”
“I don't remember that.”
“I did.”
He looked irritated with himself.
“I went because I thought if he recognized you, he would tell you everything at once.”
“So you came to control the conversation.”
“Yes.”
“Again.”
His face tightened.
“Yes.”
I thought of the boots stepping into the back doorway.
“She doesn’t remember yet.”
Not warning Walter about my fragile mind.
Warning him not to say something Marcus didn't want said before he could shape it.
“What were you afraid Walter would tell me?”
Marcus looked toward the hallway.
“That Maya was trying to leave Danner partly because of me.”
“I know that now.”
“That isn't all.”
I waited.
He looked back.
“The night before the crash, Maya told Walter she was done letting people decide what she owed them.”
My pulse shifted.
“Walter?”
“Me.”
“Who else?”
Marcus hesitated.
“You.”
That landed.
“What did she think I was deciding for her?”
Marcus shook his head.
“That part wasn't mine.”
“Then whose?”
“Walter’s.”
I stood.
“Great.”
Marcus stayed seated.
“Rachel.”
“What?”
“One thing.”
I turned.
“Your mother didn't only keep Walter away.”
My stomach tightened.
“She kept Maya's things from you.”
“What things?”
“Not boxes.”
He shook his head.
“Messages.”
My phone felt suddenly heavy in my pocket.
“Where?”
“Your old cloud backup.”
May you like
I stared.
“She has the password.”
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