Chapter 14 - Emily Said Finding Me Was Not The Same As Getting Me Back
Emily waited six days before calling.
I answered on the second ring.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Long silence.
Then:
“You staying dead?”
I almost laughed.
“Apparently not.”
My personnel status had been reopened.
Fingerprint verification.
Old dental comparison.
Employment records under my alias being reviewed.
Reality requiring paperwork again.
“Mom says you're at a hotel.”
“Yes.”
“She hates it.”
“I know.”
“She isn't asking me to fix it.”
“Good.”
“It's weird.”
“Very.”
Emily asked:
“Can we meet?”
“Yes.”
She chose a diner.
No Elias.
No Vanessa.
No masks.
She sat across from me with fries and didn't offer one.
That hurt more than it should.
“You still steal mine?”
“Not today.”
Fair.
We talked about nothing first.
Her job.
Mom's roof leak.
My terrible apartment three cities away.
Then Emily asked:
“Are you coming back here?”
“Here where?”
“Family.”
I looked at her.
“That's not a location.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes.”
“I don't.”
“That makes two of us.”
She stared at her plate.
“I spent three years thinking if I found you, everything before would become irrelevant.”
“Did it?”
“No.”
She laughed bitterly.
“Finding you made me angrier.”
“I know.”
“I hate that.”
“Why?”
“Because dead sisters are easier.”
I went still.
Emily corrected herself.
“Not easier to lose.”
“I know.”
“Easier to love.”
There.
She looked at me.
“You couldn't disappoint me while you were dead.”
I let the sentence land.
“And now?”
“Now you can.”
“Excellent.”
She almost smiled.
Then:
“Why did you keep reading the page?”
“I told Mom.”
“I want your answer to me.”
I looked out the window.
“Because I missed you.”
Her eyes filled.
“And?”
“Because it let me feel connected without giving you anything.”
She nodded slowly.
“That’s what I thought.”
“I'm sorry.”
Emily looked away.
“I'm not ready.”
“For the apology?”
“To make it useful.”
Good.
I nodded.
Then I asked:
“Why did you keep doing the Elias thing after you knew something felt wrong?”
She took time.
“Because he listened.”
“That simple?”
“Partly.”
She had spent two years sending emails into offices that answered with form letters.
Elias remembered names.
Dates.
Asked follow-ups.
Called back.
“Then he asked you to put on the mask.”
“Yes.”
“Did that feel wrong immediately?”
“Yes.”
“Then why?”
Emily looked at me.
“Because for five minutes, Vanessa looked as scared as I had felt for three years.”
Ugly.
Honest.
“I liked that.”
She rubbed her hands together.
“Then I hated that I liked it.”
No moral explanation needed.
We ate.
Eventually she pushed three fries onto my plate.
“Truce?”
“Too dramatic.”
“Potato?”
“Accepted.”
I ate one.
Then Emily said:
“Mom wants Thanksgiving.”
“Of course.”
“She wants all three of us.”
“Of course.”
“I said no.”
I looked up.
“Why?”
“Because she has a habit of turning one dinner into proof the family is fixed.”
I almost smiled.
“She does.”
“Do you want to go?”
“I don't know.”
Emily nodded.
No campaign.
Then:
“If you go, I might.”
“That sounds like pressure.”
“Damn.”
She laughed.
“I’m learning.”
“So am I.”
We sat.
At the end, Emily stood.
I did too.
She hesitated.
Then hugged me.
Quick.
One arm at first.
Then both.
I held her.
She pulled away before I did.
I let her.
May you like
Finding me was not getting me back.
But we had finally reached the part where both of us could decide what back meant.
