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Chapter 2 - The Oldest Daughter

My name is Savannah Miller.

I was sixteen years old when I finally admitted I was not helping my mother raise my siblings.

I was raising them for her.

There were six children younger than me.

Mateo was six.

Then came four-year-old twins, Lucy and Logan.

Three-year-old Sophie.

Eighteen-month-old Ben.

And baby Grace, who still woke several times each night.

Mom was pregnant again.

Number seven.

She called our household busy and unconventional.

My teachers called it chronic absence.

I missed first period because Grace needed feeding.

Skipped tests when one of the twins had a fever.

Left school early because Mom texted that she was overwhelmed.

At home, I cooked, changed diapers, washed clothes in the bathtub when the machine broke, and helped Mateo with reading while bouncing the baby against my shoulder.

Mom said she could not work because childcare cost too much.

But she frequently left for hours to meet friends, attend prenatal appointments she refused to schedule during school hours, or spend time with the new boyfriend who disappeared when her pregnancy became obvious.

Whenever I complained, she reminded me that family helped family.

“Who else is going to do it?” she asked.

That question became the chain around my ankle.

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I loved my siblings.

Mom used that love to make leaving feel like abandonment.

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