Chapter 4 - Why He Was In The Study
I barely slept.
At seven the next morning, Ben met me outside the pediatrician's office.
He didn't ask to come into the exam room until I invited him.
That was one of the improvements separation had forced on both of us.
Noah was fine.
Tender pride.
No physical injury.
The pediatrician documented what I told her and gave me the information I needed if his behavior changed.
In the parking lot, Ben buckled Noah into my car.
I waited until the door closed.
“You saw Ray with the jewelry case.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“I did.”
I stared.
“No, you didn't.”
“I said, ‘Ask your mother why she suddenly stopped searching.’”
“That is not telling me.”
“No.”
He looked away.
“I wanted you to figure it out.”
My anger rose.
“Why?”
“Because by then every direct accusation sounded like me trying to blame your family.”
“You were.”
“Sometimes.”
Good.
He rubbed his hands against the cold.
“I was furious.”
“At Mom.”
“Yes.”
“At Vanessa.”
“Yes.”
“At me.”
He looked at me.
“Yes.”
“Why me?”
“Because I told you I didn't steal it.”
“You refused to tell me anything else.”
“I know.”
“You wanted belief without information.”
“Yes.”
“That was impossible.”
“I know.”
Ben had become irritatingly willing to agree with true criticism.
It was easier when he fought.
“What did you think Ray was carrying?”
“The brooch.”
“Did you follow him?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Your mother had told me not to enter the main property unless you were there.”
I stared.
“When?”
“The morning after the accusation.”
I didn't remember knowing that.
“You never told me.”
“I was trying to avoid another fight.”
“So you stayed away and hoped I'd solve it.”
“Basically.”
“Great plan.”
“No.”
I leaned against the car.
“Did Eleanor know about your loan to Vanessa?”
“Not when I made it.”
“When did she?”
“By the time the brooch went missing.”
“How?”
“Vanessa told her.”
My attention sharpened.
“When?”
“That's what Vanessa claimed.”
“Why would Vanessa confess to the loan but not the brooch?”
Ben laughed softly.
“Because the loan made her irresponsible. The brooch made her a thief.”
“Did Mom confront you?”
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
“That I had used money problems to make Vanessa dependent on me.”
I stared.
“She accused you of controlling Vanessa by lending her money?”
“Yes.”
“Were you?”
“No.”
He hesitated.
“Maybe I liked being the person she came to.”
Same answer as last night.
More honest than denial.
“What did Mom want?”
“For me to stay away from Vanessa's business.”
“Reasonable.”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“For me to tell you about the loan.”
I stopped.
“Mom wanted you to tell me.”
“Yes.”
That did not fit the villain I was building.
“What did you say?”
“That it was between Vanessa and me until she repaid me.”
I closed my eyes.
“Ben.”
“I know.”
“No, you keep saying that now because it's free now.”
He took that.
Good.
“What happened next?”
“The brooch disappeared.”
“And Mom started implying you took it.”
“Yes.”
“So why would she first demand honesty from you, then help blame you?”
“I don't know.”
Finally.
A real uncertainty.
Ben looked toward Noah through the car window.
“Maybe she changed her mind when she saw how bad everything was.”
“Meaning?”
“My books were ugly.”
His contracting business had been overextended.
Not bankrupt.
Close enough that Eleanor saw vulnerability.
“She thought I was dragging you down.”
“She told me that.”
“She wasn't entirely wrong.”
I looked at him.
“You didn't steal from her.”
“No.”
“You did hide debt from me.”
“Yes.”
“You lent my sister money I didn't know about.”
“Yes.”
“And then covered when she tried to steal from my mother.”
“Yes.”
I hated how easily multiple truths could coexist.
“What happened the last night you stayed at our house?”
Ben's face changed.
“You asked me to leave.”
“I know what I did.”
“You said if I couldn't explain why I was in that study, I couldn't ask you to raise a child with me.”
I remembered every word.
Eight months pregnant.
Terrified.
My father had been dead four years.
My mother looked calm.
Vanessa looked devastated.
Ben looked furious.
I had wanted one person to make sense.
Only Eleanor did.
“Did you almost tell me?”
“Yes.”
“What stopped you?”
Ben looked down.
“Vanessa was in the kitchen.”
I stared.
“So?”
“She was crying.”
“That stopped you?”
“She said if the loan came out, Eleanor would shut her business down.”
“Mom didn't own her business.”
“She owned the building.”
Right.
Of course.
“So you protected Vanessa.”
“Yes.”
“And lost your marriage.”
He looked toward me.
“I didn't know that was the trade when I made it.”
“That's usually the problem with secret trades.”
He nodded.
Then Ben said:
“I need you to hear one thing before you open whatever's in that workshop.”
“What?”
“Finding the brooch won't make everything I did honest.”
“I know.”
“And it won't mean you owe me our marriage back.”
My throat tightened.
“I know.”
He looked at Noah.
Then at me.
“Good.”
May you like
For the first time since Ray's call, I understood that clearing Ben might make my past more complicated, not less.
And I was still going to open that cabinet.
