Chapter 6 - The Girl Between Two Parents
Emily met with a therapist during recovery.
Not because doctors believed she was traumatized beyond repair.
Because she had spent years translating herself for two parents.
Her therapist called it “triangulation.”
Emily called it:
“Being the customer-service department for divorced people.”
Fair.
She told us later, during a joint session:
“At Mom’s house, if I say something hurts, it becomes a project.”
I wanted to interrupt.
Didn’t.
“At Dad’s house, if I say something hurts, I have to prove it.”
Mark looked down.
Emily continued.
“So I started saying different things.”
To me:
“It’s probably nothing.”
To Mark:
“Mom already knows.”
She had been maintaining peace with selective truth.
Then:
“I don’t want to do that anymore.”
Good.
“What do you want?” the therapist asked.
Emily had prepared.
“If something medical happens, I want both of you told at the same time.”
Reasonable.
“I want doctors to talk to me, not around me.”
Yes.
“And Mom?”
I braced.
“Don’t Google in front of me.”
I laughed despite myself.
Fair.
“And Dad?”
Mark looked up.
“Don’t tell me pain is anxiety unless somebody qualified says that.”
His face crumpled.
“Okay.”
Then:
“And neither of you gets to use what I tell you to prove the other parent is bad.”
There.
The deepest request.
Stop making my body evidence in your marriage.
We agreed.
The therapist asked whether Emily wanted either parent to apologize again.
“No.”
That surprised us.
“I know you’re sorry.”
Then:
May you like
“I want you to be different.”
Children are very efficient when adults allow them to be.
