Chapter 9 - What Violet Wanted From Her Mother’s Family
Colin’s no-contact order meant Violet lost more than an uncle.
She lost easy access to part of Mara’s family.
I had underestimated that.
So I called Mara’s cousin Leah.
Then two old family friends.
Rebecca helped arrange access to photographs and letters stored with the Reed family estate.
I did something I should have done eighteen months earlier.
I helped Violet know her mother without making myself the gatekeeper.
We spent one Sunday listening to old voice messages.
Mara singing badly in college.
Mara arguing about a restaurant reservation.
Mara laughing so hard she could not finish a sentence.
Violet cried.
Then said:
“Mom wasn’t always sick.”
My throat closed.
“No.”
That was another mistake grief had made.
The final year became too large.
Hospitals.
Medication.
Funeral.
Rules.
I had been protecting Violet from painful memories while accidentally letting illness consume the rest.
Violet also read the parts of Mara’s business memorandum appropriate for her age.
Not every legal document.
Enough.
She learned her mother had loved Colin.
Distrusted some of his choices.
Wanted accountability.
Did not want Violet inheriting the family job of choosing who was good.
That helped.
People become easier to grieve when they are allowed to be complicated.
So do families.
Colin was not transformed into the evil uncle who had always been dangerous.
He had loved Mara.
Loved Violet.
Made serious financial decisions he hid.
Manipulated his niece.
Entered our home deceptively.
Hurt her during a struggle.
Left her injured while trying to protect himself.
All true.
Love did not cancel conduct.
Conduct did not prove every earlier loving moment had been fake.
May you like
Violet needed permission to hold both.
So did I.
